marathoning (or not)
I was supposed to run a half marathon with Travis yesterday, but ended up cheering him on from the sidelines. I injured my knee in March while training, and made it worse in April. After the initial pain began, I took a couple of weeks off running. When I tried again, my knee began painfully popping with each step and I could feel it through my hip. I knew then that the half marathon I planned to run this spring would have to wait. That was disappointing, of course. To me, the half marathon was about more than racing. It would be the first one Travis and I completed together, my first one since pandemic shutdowns (I ran a half marathon alone in July 2020), and it was supposed to represent, in part, my current journey with school and change.
Last fall, one of our professors mentioned a few times that graduate school would be a marathon, not a sprint. I decided sometime in the autumn months that I’d like to run a full marathon in 2024 - to sort of physically represent the school marathon I'm undertaking. I felt that running would be a great way to spend some of my free time when I’m not studying or in class. In addition, I will turn 40 this fall and it seemed like a good way to celebrate. My plan was to run a half marathon with Travis in the spring, then join a running club in the summer and complete a full marathon by late summer or fall. My training was on schedule when the knee pain began.
Despite the setback, I had so much fun cheering for Travis and other runners yesterday. I wore a hat and sunglasses and was glad I was somewhat disguised because I was low-key happy crying for the runners and I know my face was scrunched up and embarrassing at times. It was uncontrollable - I was so goddamn glad for everyone! I know what a big deal it is for many people to run a half marathon and I could see it on some of their faces. For some people, yesterday morning was a great run - for others, it was a struggle with every step. The runners looked strong, no matter their speed or ability. They were DOING IT! That was incredible to witness. Sometimes we are in the race, and sometimes we have the opportunity to be cheerleaders. What a privilege both positions are. I’m glad I got to be in the passenger seat this time - clapping and encouraging people for a couple of hours.
This running setback for me is even more of a metaphor for me now. I am always going to have setbacks in one way or another - whether in school, or life, or running. I haven’t stopped moving completely. I keep moving both physically and mentally - imperfectly - as I push toward my goals. My knee doesn’t usually hurt when I walk so since the pain began, I continued walking and kept up with a 10K-steps-per-day goal that I began at the beginning of the year. I haven’t broken the streak yet - completing the126th day in a row yesterday. I still got my elevation goal in April, earned a few other Garmin and Strava digital badges, and tracked 90 miles walking last month - an average of 3 per day. That’s something! I got outside every single day and I saw spring unfold in beautiful ways in our neighborhood and around UNM campus. The blossoms, lilacs, and wisteria were stunning. I also spent a lot of quality time walking with our dog Katniss, some of the time walking with Travis, and saw some amazing sunsets. I am learning again that change is often slower than anticipated and plans change because some things are out of our control.
Other April highlights include:
I got severe FOMO about the total solar eclipse and went between classes that day to Albuquerque’s Museum of Natural History and Science so I could see it. In Albuquerque, we had about 80% viewability. It was fabulous to witness with many other people!
I listened to Beyonce’s and Taylor Swift’s new albums many, many times. I hosted a couple of friends to talk about Beyonce’s album and we shared our original writing. It was lovely.
Time slowed down in a way and I associate part of that with my walking goals. Adding one day at a time to my streak makes me actually think about each day and one of my goals in some way. It makes me realize how quick and slow time passes. When I hit the 121st day on April 30, it meant four months had passed this year - or ⅓ of the year. Sometimes during my walks I think about what I am accomplishing this year and putting a number to the days helps with that. I think about what I am learning, how the seasons are changing, how anxiety comes and goes, how little sleep I get sometimes, how much I have studied and wrote, how I began learning statistics (something I never thought I’d do!), how I got to travel a little and spend time with people I love.
I learned through walking every day that almost all weather (so far this year, in Albuquerque) is good weather. Even the rain, even the snow, even the cold, and even, sometimes, the wind. I came to appreciate changes in weather, the cool, breezy air, rain sprinkling on my face, and snowflakes melting on my clothes. I avoided hail, but was willing to get outside in anything else because I was determined to keep this streak going. We will see how I feel this summer when it’s hot. I may be up and at ‘em earlier.
I’ve been seeing a lot of yellow butterflies which remind me of our best boy Neville dog who passed away two years ago. It’s like he’s come back to visit us for a while. One day, a giant yellow butterfly perched in several places on our lilac bush. It stayed long enough for me to capture photos and video, and it danced and fluttered until it flew away like it was waving to me.
I started a new photo game where I look for faces in sidewalks and streets - similar to how I look for hearts. Once I started seeing them, they were everywhere - faces with allll the emotions - and the expressions and photos make me laugh.
I hope things are headed toward peace for you, wherever you are in life. Here is some love, spring beauty, and silly sidewalk faces captured in April …
