Winter daylight

Since the beginning of 2024, I have thought a lot about time and daylight. There never seems to be enough of either. January came as it always does; it brought a fresh start in some ways and limited hours of sunlight. Outside the excitement of celebrating New Year’s and a fleeting feeling of renewal, I typically loathe January. It always seems too dark, too long, too dreary, too cold.

This January was different. For no exact reason, I began a 10,000-steps-per-day goal and after about three successful days, there was no stopping me (I’m at 64 days in a row now!). Because of this, winter for me went much better than expected. I learned what it would take for me to walk or run those steps and it wasn’t easy; I had to make changes and deliberately walk and/or run outside at least three miles a day because we don’t own a treadmill and my pre-January routines would never be enough.

Sometimes I looked outside and counted the hours of daylight left, knowing sunset would arrive quickly and never seem convenient. If it was around 4 p.m. and I hadn’t been outside, I had to put my shoes and jacket on and often grab a leash for a long walk with Katniss. I wanted to run more than I did in January, but a snowfall early in the month stayed for days in the foothills and made sidewalks slippery. In addition, we got rain and sometimes bitter cold bit my face and fingers, forcing me to bundle up in my calf-length puffy jacket which isn’t conducive for running.

While there were more sunny days than overcast, I learned that I didn’t mind the rain and snow. One day I wondered, “Am I not missing something if I never go out in the rain?” That thought crosses my mind often now and I wonder what I miss when I avoid things that seem less than ideal but can actually be very beautiful. 

I learned that walking 3-4 deliberate miles a day takes me an hour or more, and during that time, I listen to a lot of music in my headphones and think. I’m often out in the late afternoons and early evenings and get to see shadows stretch across trails and roads during golden hour. I let my mind wander as I process what I’m learning in my graduate program and life. The direction I am headed looks quite a bit different since I quit my job last summer and went back to school full time. I am learning and evolving in ways I couldn’t have imagined a few years back. Growth takes time and happens in small ways; sometimes I imagine the individual things I’m learning like sheets of paper stacked one on top of the other. Someday they will make a ream - an entire ream of knowledge I didn’t possess before. 

I’ve also been thinking lately about how everything I have now will eventually change. Everything ends, like daylight, like rain, like life, like this 10-000-steps-per-day streak I have going. I don’t have any other point except this - that I’m trying to enjoy more sunlight and clouds right now because being out in the weather seems to shift everything.

Here is some love captured in January and February …